DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 and my boyfriend, "Jordan," is 17. We have been together a year and a half and rarely fight. There is only one problem in our relationship -- his mother. "Martha" has lupus and uses it to manipulate Jordan. When we plan dates, she'll tell him she feels sick and make him stay home to take care of her. As soon as the date is canceled, she's miraculously better. She complains that he doesn't spend enough time with her and lays guilt on him because she "could die any day," but says these things only when I'm around. ...

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I've stayed in touch with my childhood best friend, "Claire." We talk a few times a year and I attended her wedding 10 years ago.In the intervening years, her husband, "Kirk," has cheated on her multiple times and was once arrested by an undercover cop when he tried to meet a 14-year-old for a sexual liaison. Despite it all, Claire has chosen to stay with him. I have made peace with the fact that it is her decision and, because she lives in another state, it hasn't affected my life in any practical way -- until now. ...

DEAR ABBY: "She Has a Name in Georgia" (Dec. 2) complained that the care staff at the assisted living community where her mother lives calls her "Granny," "Grandma" and "Mamma." She found it disrespectful, and I agree with her.I am an R.N. with two advanced nursing degrees. Calling a resident "Granny," "Dear" or "Honey" is not loving or caring. It is degrading, humiliating and hurtful! It does not matter what the ethnicity of the attendant is; there are standards of conduct and patient's rights. ...

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating "Mike" for four years. We met in our senior year of college and recently became engaged. I'm looking forward to being married and starting a family, but there's one "small" problem. I'm in love with Mike's identical twin brother, "Matt."Mike and Matt are identical in appearance, but Matt is funnier, more outgoing and affectionate than my fiance. I didn't know he existed until a year ago because they had a falling out at their high school graduation and didn't reconcile until recently. ...

DEAR ABBY: Recently my 80-year-old mother was admitted to the hospital, gravely ill. She had been undergoing chemotherapy and caught double pneumonia. My 36-year-old niece went to visit Mama, took pictures of her lying in her hospital bed and emailed the photos to everyone.It was shocking and upsetting seeing my mother this way. Many of the people who received the photos had not been able to visit her. Abby, what's your opinion on this, and how should it have been handled? -- SINCERELY UPSET IN FLORIDADEAR SINCERELY UPSET: I don't blame you for being upset. ...

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Kate," and her sister, "Judy," do not get along, to the point that my wife refuses to be in the same room with her. I have a class reunion coming up, and Judy is in my class.Because we're not sure Judy will show up, Kate has said she will attend -- but she'll leave if Judy arrives. We had planned on going in separate cars so Kate could escape if necessary. But now she says if Judy puts in an appearance, she'll be upset with me if I don't leave with her.I don't get along with Judy either, but I'd like the chance to catch up with other classmates. ...

DEAR ABBY: I'm fortunate to be married to an amazing woman. There's just one problem. She's convinced that I'm going to burn down the house. She constantly nags me when I'm cooking, even when I'm literally standing over the pots. I find her tone -- and the idea that I don't know how to use a stove -- insulting.She insists I have the burner on too high when I'm making spaghetti, and it will somehow result in a catastrophe far worse than a ruined meal. ...

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school and my sister is a junior. She plays violin in our school orchestra (first chair), gets straight A's in all her classes (honors and AP courses) and is gorgeous and popular. I, on the other hand, am socially awkward, spend most of my time with my nose jammed in a book, barely get A's in my few honors courses and play in the school band.I have a few close friends, but most of them aren't in any of my classes so I eat lunch alone. I don't want to be popular; I just want to stop being jealous of my sister. ...

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago I received a large white envelope from a friend I had been close to in high school. "Jen" returned every letter, card and note I had written to her throughout our four years of school. She thanked me for being a good friend and thought I might like to have them.I can't tell you how upsetting it was to read how awful I was as a teenager. I was promiscuous, used foul language and made references to experimenting with drugs. It brought back so many terrible memories that I had blocked. ...

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Mandy," was invited to a friend's birthday party along with 12 other girls. They were told to meet at the mall where they'd "go shopping" together, then go for a sleepover afterward.The birthday girl told her friends to bring money as gifts. Well, she raked in more than $300 then proceeded to spend it all on herself while her friends stood and watched. Mandy returned home the next day and told me that although the girl spent the money on herself, her mom did buy them each a beverage. ...

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 years old. I play two competitive sports, maintain a 4.0 GPA, have good friends and will be attending the college of my dreams. Yet for some reason I cannot get along with my parents.It seems like I can't live up to their standards. We get into huge fights every day over insignificant things. My parents continually tell me they don't think I will handle college very well because I "can't get along with people." But their lack of faith just frustrates me and we get into more fights.In reality, the only people I don't get along with are my parents. ...

DEAR ABBY: Like "I'd Rather Walk in Houston" (Nov. 12), I learned to drive as a high school senior. My father taught me in a local park. As I learned to operate the car, I gained confidence, but I was still not ready for street traffic. He said I was a "slow learner," but didn't force me onto the streets. After several more rounds in the park, I was able to face traffic. Yes, I was uneasy, but having Dad in the passenger seat boosted my confidence. I drove with supervision for several months to get accustomed to the controls and learn to avoid other cars and curbs. My solo drive was prom ...

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this because I hope you will tell your readers to learn the signs of a stroke. I wish I had known. I was visiting my grandma seven years ago. During dinner she had a stroke. I knew something was wrong, but wasn't sure what it was. My sister and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital, but she said no. We respected her wishes and didn't insist. We finally took her two days later.Abby, my grandmother never spoke again. She spent her last seven years aware of what she wanted to say, but unable to say it. The guilt I carry is hard to live with. ...

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me pass along some tips on drive-through etiquette to your readers. I work in the fast food industry, and on behalf of my fellow workers, may I dish out the following:Please have a general idea of what you'd like before you reach the speaker. The corporate office has us on a timer, which starts ticking as soon as you pull up.Please be patient. We know you're tired of waiting behind the car ahead of you, but we're trying our best to make sure you get quality food.If you have a large order or a special request, please come inside to order if possible. ...

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about people who attempt to converse with you from another room? My boyfriend does it fairly often. He may be on the computer while I'm reading or watching TV, and he'll yell out a question or tell me something. Most of the time I answer him, but then he'll continue the conversation -- all from the other room.I find it rude, and to be quite honest, disrespectful. I also think it makes no sense because with the TV on it's difficult to hear him. If I want to speak to someone in another room, I get off my "keester" and go directly to him or her. That's common sense. ...

DEAR ABBY: I caught my 16-year-old daughter, "Krista," smoking marijuana. I punished her for it, but never told my wife because I was afraid she'd force me to make a decision that I don't want to make. I have been married to my second wife for three years. For much of that time, Krista has been a nightmare. When she goes to school, more often than not she's in the principal's office for bad behavior. At home she's worse. She doesn't listen to anyone. We have tried every type of punishment we can think of and nothing has worked. ...

DEAR ABBY: May I respond to "Iowa Reader" (Nov. 10), the older woman who asked you where to turn when she needed to be hugged and listened to? I'm guessing she was married a long time and doesn't have any real friends -- just people from her married days.I suggest she get a dog. While dogs can't hug or hold, they do love unconditionally. A dog is always happy to be with you, and will listen even though it can't talk back. I would have died of loneliness had it not been for mine. Through her, I have met other older single people on walks and at the dog park. ...

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old-daughter, "Olympia," is a beautiful, intelligent young woman who graduated from high school last spring, was accepted to two universities and started her first job. When she lost it recently, she was devastated. Instead of trying to find another one, she decided to turn to prostitution. When I asked her why, she said she doesn't want to work her butt off for peanuts.Other family members and I have tried to make Olympia see reason, but she's determined to do this. I am extremely frustrated with her decision. ...

DEAR ABBY: I'm 23, the only child of a controlling, paranoid, hermit-like and hyper-religious mother and a peace-loving, passive father. I graduated from college last year. Shortly after, my boyfriend and I accepted dream jobs in the same town several hours away from my parents.Mom was appalled. She "warned" me that I wouldn't last and would come home. Instead, I have embraced my new city and job. Mom is at her wits' end. When I mentioned that my boyfriend had recorded a movie for me, she said he was controlling me via technology. ...

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old female in the military who has been married for a few years. When I got married, I was slim, had a full head of beautiful, long hair and hardly any medical problems. Over the last couple of years I have developed a host of medical issues, all related to the harsh conditions of my deployments.My husband is shorter than I am, thin and three years younger. I have gained more than 40 pounds due to steroid treatments. I had to cut my long hair because it was falling out from stress. I look nothing like the woman I was when we were married. ...

DEAR ABBY: I retired two years ago at age 50 after working for 30 years. My wife and I are financially secure and I'm enjoying every day of my retirement. However, my wife -- who is younger -- won't be eligible to retire from her job for another five years. She is becoming more and more abrasive toward me. I suspect it's because she's jealous of my retirement status.She constantly accuses me of being lazy. Abby, I don't sit around all day. ...

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Cole," and I have been together since college -- several years now. We have a loving relationship, but the problem is distance. My job sometimes requires me to take short-term (two- to five-month) contracts in other cities and overseas.Even though it is difficult to be apart, I handle long-distance relationships relatively well while Cole does not. This began in college when I studied abroad for a semester. Cole tries to be supportive and wants me to be successful, but he takes it personally when I have to leave. ...

DEAR ABBY: I have been accepted to a school that's the alma mater of several of my relatives. My mother, several aunts and other family members all belonged to one sorority at this college. They are urging me to pledge there and uphold the family tradition. They say they had some of the best times of their lives as members of that sorority chapter. The members do well academically, as the sorority insists on it. They made lifelong friends, and their sorority contacts have been extremely helpful personally and professionally. ...

DEAR ABBY: I am a very feminine 23-year-old woman who lives at home with my father. I am completely uninterested in getting married or having children now or in the future. I don't believe it's the end of the world to be a woman and not want children, but my dad and my grandmother act as though I'm abnormal. Dad says he blames himself for "failing to raise me right." He also blames himself for the fact that I'm not interested in guys. The thought of being intimate with a guy is disgusting to me. I identify as mostly asexual, although I have had passing infatuations with women. ...

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Kyle" for more than six months, but I have loved him for more than two years. I always thought we had a wonderful relationship and that Kyle was a sweet, innocent guy. Well, he just confided to me that he has an Internet porn addiction! I'm very hurt by this and don't want to lose him. What should I do? (By the way, we're both 14.) -- INNOCENT TEEN IN MICHIGANDEAR INNOCENT TEEN: You should urge Kyle to get help for his addiction. Addiction, by definition, is behavior that is compulsive and out of control. ...

DEAR ABBY: "Friend of a Lonely Child" (Nov. 7) complained his wife didn't like him befriending the neighbor boy, "Donny," whose father is terminally ill.Many years ago, I was that child. My home life was a mess, and the neighbors ended up raising me and teaching me about life. I am positive the only reason I didn't end up in prison was the concern of those people. Mr. and Mrs. P. taught me manners and work ethic, Mr. and Mrs. M. schooled me in kindness and compassion, and the local store owner, Mr. R., taught me economics. ...

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Kip," and I are being married next year and we have only one disappointment. It's about my keeping my last name. I don't want to take Kip's last name.I have had the same name for 33 years and I do not believe a woman "has" to take her husband's name when they marry. However, the biggest issue for me is my fiance never knew his father, who left when Kip was a baby. I do not wish to take the name of a man who neither of us knows, and who had no positive influence on our lives. ...

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my mother-in-law had to be placed in a nursing care residence because of dementia. When I visited her, it became more and more difficult to find things to talk about, until one day I came across her old address book. The idea struck me to take it with me each time I visited her, and what a success it was!I started at the beginning of the "A" section, giving her a name and asking her to tell me about that person. ...

DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, my mom told me that if it wasn't for me, she and my dad would be divorced. She also said that the last few years with my dad have been terrible. I feel so guilty about this, knowing that I'm the reason my parents are unhappy.I barely slept the night my mom told me this, but actually, it all makes sense. Now I know why my parents yell at me for no reason and why I get in trouble for no reason. Abby, please help me. ...

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed letters from adults in response to a letter from "Emotionally Abused in California" (Nov. 2), the 15-year-old who felt her mother was treating her unfairly. Today we'll hear from teenage readers:DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl. My mom showed me the letter from "Emotionally Abused" and I almost died! Her mom sounds just like mine. I am not allowed to wear clothing that shows too much skin or get into a car with a teenage boy. I don't have cable TV. I have to do my own laundry, clean my room, cook dinner and hem my own jeans. ...